“What Mothers Really Want Day” – Mrs. 90019 on an alternate Mother’s Day

Posted on May 10, 2014 Updated on October 29, 2017

I was at the Grove a few days ago with my daughter for story time and was completely overwhelmed with the Mother’s Day advertisements. They have these perfectly made displays that show you 20 different items that mom’s are supposed to love. There was the cheesy “best mom in the world” mug and notebooks and throw pillows with similar slogans. I think about my mother when I see displays like this and I can’t help but to laugh. I know her too well to give her something like this. Those things are not really gifts for moms. They are gifts people think that moms want. Neither one of us fills our house with “stuff.” – you know, the unnecessary stuffed animals and picture frames and slogan mugs. That is just not our style. These Mother’s Day displays are wasted on gals like us 🙂

But now that I am a mother myself, I actually think about Mother’s Day and what it really means to me and because I have such an awesome husband who has been asking me what I want and what I want to do on Sunday, my mind began to race. The thought of fighting crowds for brunch, or waiting an hour for a table at some restaurant for dinner just to be exhausted come Monday and have to juggle another busy week, made me nauseous. I thought that maybe it was time to celebrate an alternative Mother’s Day. One that was a bit secretive. One that was meaningful and didn’t simply make Hallmark a billion dollars. No. What momma’s really need is to celebrate how awesome they are the day before!

I am declaring that the Saturday BEFORE Mother’s Day will be called “What Mothers Actually Want Day.” To make this day absolutely perfect for the special momma in your life, follow the itinerary below and she will have the perfect “What Mothers Actually Want Day.”

1. You will wake up before her and entertain the kid(s). Take them outside. Go for a walk. She will be able to wake up without the alarm. In reality she will probably wake up screaming and nervous because the house is way too quiet but do it anyway. Leave a note if you leave the house. Do not put the note on the refrigerator. Food will be the last thing that she will be thinking about when she realizes that no one is home. Leave it in the doorway of the bedroom. Write it on a poster board. A yellow poster board. She will see it or trip on it. Either way it will be noticed. She will calm down, knowing all is well, and find you all walking in from outside or coloring together on the dining room table.

2. You will all greet her with kisses and hugs when you see her. She will love this. You will offer to make a run to Starbucks with the kid(s) so that she can have a chance to take a long hot shower. Do not simply go to Starbucks and come right back. Or if you do, go to the Starbucks that’s at least 20 minutes away because she won’t actually jump right in the shower when she hears the car pull out of the driveway. No. She will dance. Yes, she will dance to loud, crazy music (some songs laced with curse words- you know, the music that you can’t in good conscience play when your kid(s) is around). This dancing will require at least 15 minutes (4 songs to be exact). An empty quiet house is extremely rare and she will fill her time with noise. Lots of noise. But it will be her noise.

3. Take her car when you go to Starbucks and stop off at the car wash. Get the deluxe wash and tip the guy extra to scrap the dried banana off of the car seat. Make sure that it is vacuumed really well and get the “new car smell” scent. Remember that she hates the fruity smells – they have made her nauseous since her pregnancy. Also swing by the gas station and fill her up.

4. When you return from Starbucks with a venti iced (light ice) non-fat caramel latte, you will whip up those amazing scrambled eggs and bacon that you have perfected (your “go-to” dish) and you all will eat as a family. When breakfast is finished you will immediately wash the dishes.

5. After the kitchen is cleaned you will suggest that you all go to the park. She will think that is a great idea. Everyone gets a little sunshine and you tire the little one(s) out for a nice afternoon nap. When you get to the park and she is about to jump into the sandy playground area to run after your kid(s), you will stop, give her a kiss and pull a stack of magazines out of the diaper bag. These will include the latest copies of all of her favorites: Shape, Women’s Health, Essence, Glamour, HGTV, Real and Simple and some sort of trashy gossip magazine. Maybe People. That will work. NOTHING POLITICAL. She will not want a Time in the mix. Lots of pictures of fashion and beauty tips and celebrity gossip please. You will point out the perfect bench under the perfect tree, preferably next to honeysuckle or jasmine (she loves the smell of jasmine) and she will watch you play with the kid(s). And after every tenth page, she will look up and smile and wave. You will be at the park long enough to allow her to get through 3 full magazines. She will save the other 2 for home later that evening.

6. When you get home and put the kid(s) down for a nap, you will volunteer to go grocery shopping (or maybe you already did that after you left work on Friday- that’s even better). You will remember to bring the recyclable grocery bags so that you don’t get charged for the paper ones and you will make a list and get everything on it including the alphabet cookies that she needs to bring to the play date that following Wednesday. She will relax in the quiet house and read the other 2 magazines with a huge mug of peppermint tea.

7. When the little one(s) wake up from napping you will tell her that you lined up a babysitter for this evening. You will then get everything together for the sitters. Prepare the dinner; make sure that the diaper bag has plenty of diapers and wipes and munchies and at least 2 changes of clothes per kid(s). And please don’t forget their favorite books and stuffed animals.

8. Tell her that you are going to see a movie and have dinner afterwards. She will be super excited! But do not take her to a sappy love movie or something that is family related. She doesn’t want to cry. She is already sensitive and having kids has made her incredibly sensitive. No need to engage. She wants to see something badass like Captain America (because she still hasn’t seen it) or Spiderman. Something fun and exciting. A little action and some eye candy. Don’t take it personal. Make sure to time everything perfectly (giving her enough time to get dressed and getting the kid(s) to the sitter) because she gets nervous if she is late to the movies. She likes the cushion of having at least fifteen minutes before the movie starts to go to the bathroom and find her seat. Plus, she wants to see the previews.

Also, don’t forget the snacks for the movie! Don’t let her carry a huge “mommy bag” that night. She wants to break out the clutch that’s in the back of her closet collecting dust for her date because it is rare for her to be able to leave the house without a piece of luggage filled with 1,023 things for the kids. She deserves an evening with a bag that only carries her wallet, her phone, a tube of lipstick and a piece of peppermint candy. So you carry a backpack and smuggle in some some trail mix, a bag of Trader Joe’s kettle corn and a limocello into the theatre for her to snack on.

9. After the movies take her to her favorite restaurant. Nothing with 2,000 beers on tap. Nothing with 5,003 big screen TV’s on every inch of the wall. No, that will not due. And it doesn’t even need to be fancy or dimly lit. Take her to that BBQ place that she loves or the Cuban restaurant that you hate because they soak everything in garlic and happily order that garlic chicken because you know that she will not enjoy her meal if you are not enjoying yours. While you are there, talk about everything including the kid(s) (she wants to and that is the reason you are celebrating, isn’t it?). Call the sitter halfway through dinner and check in yourself so that she doesn’t have to because you know that if she hears the kid(s) voice(s) she will want to wrap up the date earlier than planned.

10. Because she will not be expecting anything until the next day, allow her to open up her gift that night before she goes to sleep. Make sure that you look through the pictures on her phone the week before to see what she likes. Don’t buy that crud about her “not wanting anything.” She wants something. Remember that your lady has this amazing habit of taking pictures of things that she likes in stores and with the power of positive thinking, over time those things become hers. Notice that she took a picture of a beautiful light blue travel bag at Anthropology. Call the store a week prior and have them put it on hold and pick it up one day after work. Keep it in your trunk or better yet at work so she doesn’t see it.

In addition to a great gift that she has been eyeing, give her a plant. Flowers are really overrated and in five days when they begin to wilt and the water becomes rancid and stinky, she will be the one cleaning it out. Plus red roses scream “no original thought.” They are overused and don’t fit every woman’s style. Give her a nice hydroponic plant. They are incredibly easy to maintain and just nice to get.

And a note. Give her a nice simple note that you wrote yourself. Not a card. It can even be on a post-it. It needs to remind her that you love her, and that she is a great mommy and that she is beautiful. I know what you are thinking, “I tell her that everyday,” but she will like it in writing. Just go with it. If you solicit the kid(s) to make a card in addition to yours, even better. She will tuck these away in a special drawer and read them again from time to time.

11. And of course, the most important thing at the end of the night…

A margarita! This is the most important part of “What Mother’s Really Want Day.” The kids are sleep. There are groceries in the kitchen, thanks to you, and she does not have to worry about the craziness and crowds of the next day. Leave the box of chocolates on the shelf. That is way to predictable. Hand that lady a large margarita with extra salt (not a mix from a bottle either- actually squeeze some citrus!). She can enjoy and actually look forward to doing absolutely nothing on Mother’s Day! No crowds. No parades. Just PJ’s, relaxation and time with her family.

Good luck! 🙂 And don’t forget, this itinerary (or pieces of it) can be followed any day throughout the year! Mommas do a lot. Let them know that you love them even when it’s not “What Mothers Really Want Day.” 🙂

Super Duper Love,

Sorina Fant

@SorinaFant